


Alone in a Hotel Room

by iulli



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Killugon - Freeform, Kirugon - Freeform, M/M, hxh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 12:24:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3249584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iulli/pseuds/iulli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon realizes how lonely his life has become without Killua in it. After avoiding contact for months, he finally reaches out to his estranged friend via cell phone. Post Separation GonxKillua / Oneshot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone in a Hotel Room

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wrote after reading tumblr user tfwhxh’s drabble about Gon’s first time sleeping alone in a hotel room, which can be read here: http://tfwhxh.tumblr.com/post/105314426448/gons-first-night-sleeping-alone-at-a-hotel-room  
> It broke my heart and inspired me to make a continuation.  
> Enjoy the read!
> 
> x

Shaking—breathing—wondering  _how._ How did this happen? This loneliness.

He let it happen.

It had been months littered with impersonal emails and postcards. Months toiling with the fact that he had made a mistake somewhere along the road of malformed beasts and broken sanities.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He wept quietly to no one—his youthful tears soaking the pillow his face rested upon. “Killua...  _Killua..._ I’m sorry.”

 He sniffed back the regret building; imploding and suffocating.

Was there anything he could do? He was alone. And the empty hotel sheets lacked the comfort they used to after spending weeks sleeping atop rocks and dirt with friends at his side and valor in his heart.

The valor was still there. It wouldn’t leave him entirely. But there was something preventing him from feeling it these days. He knew what the culprit was, but tried to look past it—tried to overcome the obvious vacancy to his left or his right. Which side did Killua prefer to stand on again?

Gon sat up; bending his knees to his chin. He attempted to wipe his cheeks of the access moisture spilling over, but the more he tidied himself up, the faster his face rewetted with tears.

 _What can I do? How can I stop this?_   He quizzed himself mentally, ceiling his eyelids tightly to ban the flood.

His phone sat on the nightstand beside him. The odd-looking device hadn’t been updated since Leorio purchased it for him 2 years before. Without any thought to his movements, Gon reached for the cell and pressed one of its buttons. The screen lit up his soppy features, revealing an unsent message which read ‘I miss you’ in common font. The recipient’s name stood out in bold letters—piercing and digging through his pupils like the too-bright glare of the moon at its fullest.

He rubbed his nose with the back of his fist before erasing the text message and starting over with a blank screen.

He stared at the phone for what seemed like hours, trying to compose the right words. This was something he had been trying to do since he and his best friend parted ways beneath the World Tree. Gon failed again and again to initiate a greeting—always waiting and hoping that Killua would instead be the one to take the lead.

But Killua had never been the type to forge ahead. Gon knew that. So why was he waiting on him so persistently to make the first move?

After weeks on end without exchange, he knew he needed to be the assertive one. With trembling hands and sleepless anxiety throbbing at the back of his neck, he typed a single sentence into his phone. And with a hitched breath, pressed send.

 ‘Are you awake?’ He asked plainly.

His momentary act of bravery withered back into its hallowed void as Gon felt isolation re-consume him.

20 minutes ticked by like a slow-moving train, reminding him of the distance his most valued friend had put between them. Waiting so long for a response to a simple question seemed painfully inconvenient.

10 more minutes etched past. Would Killua even respond?

 _I’m an idiot._ Gon lowered his back onto the mattress again, turning onto his side with his phone held several inches from his face. The wet spot on his pillow reminded him of how callous a situation this was. Despite what he had done, did he really deserve to be ignored?

 _Yeah, probably._ He bit at his lower lip as it trembled; staring desperately at the unanswered message.  _I deserve this._   _I definitely deserve this._  He shut his eyes tightly as a few more tears escaped.

It was when he was at his wits end; when the world seemed to be caving in on him that his phone vibrated in his hands.

His eyelids rose and his heart stammered when he read the anticipated response: ‘Yeah. What’s up?’

His eyes were wide in disbelief. Was this really a message from Killua? Or did he have the wrong number? They hadn’t attempted to text each other in over 6 months. The surreal atmosphere layered over Gon like a thick blanket.

Carefully, he typed a retort: ‘Couldn’t sleep… Sorry it’s so late.’

A reply from Killua was delayed. Gon swallowed back his boiling anguish. His fingers began typing an irrational suggestion…. ‘Can we talk?’…. But he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He quickly erased the message, sighing a shaky breath. No matter how much he wanted to hear Killua’s voice, he had to restrain himself. Their interaction had to be handled with care; otherwise Gon would risk destroying what little rapport they had left.

But what if Killua was waiting for him to call? What if the ex-assassin was in a similar situation, hoping that Gon will step forward and admit that he misses and needs him?

Gon was about to hit the call button when his thumb froze.  _No_ — Killua wasn’t waiting for him. He couldn’t be. He was more self-righteous than that. Surely after all that had happened, he didn’t want to hear from Gon….especially not at 2 in the morning. He kept his distance for a reason, right? He wasn’t sitting around longing for Gon to make contact. He was stronger; more independent. He didn’t need Gon.

There was still no reply from the Zoldyck. Gon made a small whimper as he tightened his grip on his phone.

 _Killua doesn’t want to hear from me. Killua doesn’t want to talk to me. Killua doesn’t miss me. Killua hates me. I hate me too. I hate what I’ve done. I hate this empty hotel room. I hate this cold bed. I hate being alone, I hate feeling worthless without my nen, I hate—_    

The sudden ringing of his phone shoved him out of his erratic thoughts. His eyes stared widely at the incoming call screen. He could feel his heartbeat in his throat as he precariously accepted the request and brought the phone to his ear.

“...Hello?” His voice was a choked whisper.

There was a short period of silence before a calm voice responded, “Gon?”

The nenless hunter quivered at the sound of his name. There was so much he had planned to say to Killua once he finally had his attention, but he now found himself mute in the audible presence of his detached comrade.

“Are you okay?” The ex-assassin was soft with his words; something Gon hadn’t expected. 

“Killua,” He trembled out. Quiet breathing wafted against both their speakers. “Were you asleep?” Gon finally asked, sniveling a bit.

He heard a chuckle, “Nah. I have a hard time sleeping these days.”

“Really? … So are we in the same time zone?”

“Most likely. It’s 4am here.”

“Ah. You’re 2 hours ahead of me.”

“I see.”

The call grew hushed once more; the only sound being Gon’s occasional sniffle.

“What’s going on?” Killua finally questioned. He had noticed the upset in Gon’s voice as soon as they’d begun talking.

The Freecss boy smiled weakly, “Not much.”

“Oh yeah?” Killua didn’t believe him. “You never answered me from before…are you okay?”

Gon kept his smile intact, although sentimental tears walled the corners of his gilded eyes. The silver-haired hunter listened on the other end of the receiver as Gon let out several small gasps, “Ye-yeah…I’m fine.”

“Liar.” Killua released a bittersweet hum.

Gon laughed through his sobs, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Gon. Honestly—”

“—No. Killua… I’m  _really_  sorry.”

The subject for which Gon was apologizing suddenly took on a new meaning, causing Killua to fall silent. Their call in accordance went quiet as well.

Gon lay with his eyes fixated on the window across the room from him. A section of drapery had caught the edge of a chair, allowing a slit of the view outside to peek through. Beyond the glass, the night sky hung in congruence; glittered with bright stars. Gon sniffed again, “You don’t have to forgive me. I just wanted you to know.”

After a few more seconds, he heard a short chuckle, “Idiot. You’ve already said sorry and I’ve already told you that you’re forgiven. You don’t have to bring it up after so long.”

Gon breathed in and out for a while before responding, “…Yes I do.”

“Stop. It’s alright.”

“Is it?”

Killua took his turn in shuffled breathing. In his heart, he knew that it wasn’t alright. And hearing Gon say he was sorry again after not hearing his voice for months felt oddly soothing.

“Hey…Gon?”

“What?”

“Why did you text me so late?”

Gon felt his face flush beneath his damp skin, “Why?”

“Yeah.”

“Because….” Glancing around the cold, dark room, the raven-haired hunter sunk further into his pillow, “I miss you. I haven’t heard from you in a while, so…”

On the other end of the line, Killua had lowered his head into his lap; pressing his forehead against his kneecaps. “What’s the real reason you wanted to talk? …Are you afraid of the dark or something?”

Gon furrowed his brow, “No, missing you  _is_ the real reason.”

“Admit it, you’re scared.” Killua bit his lip in a grin.

“A-Am not! Stop teasing me.”

“I think you are. You need a smack in the face with a pillow to snap you out of it.”

Gon tried to giggle, “That’s why I need you around, to hit me with pillows when I’m afraid.”

“So it’s true then, you’re scared?”

“I never said that!  _Killua!_ ”

The reverberation of his best friend’s laughter filled the receiver and rattled through Gon’s eardrum. It was a wholesome, nostalgic sound—one that he wished he could keep on repeat forever. To preserve the light mood, he kept the topic alive, “Okay, okay…maybe I’m  _a little_ scared.”

“I knew it.” Killua’s mirth had calmed down. Once they both finished their extended lark, he spoke up again in a much gentler voice, “I meant to call you before. I just…wasn’t really sure what you were up to.”

“Oh…”

“What  _have_  you been up to, by the way?” Killua pressed on.

There was a small sound before Gon expressed, “Just catching up with studies…training with Kite…and waiting to hear from you.”

Killua’s voice caught in his throat. “…Why didn’t you just call? I mean, if you wanted to talk…?”

“I don’t know. I guess you just seemed so distant. I didn’t want to bother you if you wanted space.”

A few seconds passed before Killua breathed out, “… I want to see you.”

Gon, taken aback, felt his stomach flitter with happy nerves. Though he had been so sad moments before, he couldn’t stop the wide-edged smile from spreading across his face. “I want to see you too. More than anything.” He could practically feel the heat radiating off Killua’s cheek against his cell phone. The gilded hunter could have stopped right there, but he let a few more words spill out, “I  _need_  to see you…right here next to me.”

“G-Gon…” Killua stammered.

“What? It’s true.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

This was a very familiar conversation—one that Gon knew all too well. He hummed a trifling laugh, “I’ll stop then.”

“No.” Killua’s voice cracked, much too suddenly for Gon to make a proper reaction to. “…No, it’s embarrassing, but it makes me happy. I-I miss you too, you know.”

Gon smiled forlornly, “Even after all the stupid things I’ve done?”

“Yeah. Weird, huh?”

“Really weird…”

“But it wouldn’t be us if it wasn’t weird, right?” Killua snickered.

He listened to Gon shuffle in his bed sheets as he chuckled along with him.

The conversation suddenly shifted, “…I’ve never stayed in a hotel room alone before. I hate it.”

There was a pause, before the Zoldyck boy replied, “You’re not alone, Gon.”

“I am though. And it’s miserable.”

Killua had rested his shoulders against his own pillow now, “But I’m right here, aren’t I?”

Gon blinked, slowly letting his comrade’s logic sink in. Gripping a wad of blankets, he retorted, “Yeah. You are.”

Somewhere between the dusk’s fog and morning blues, they fell asleep—heavy breaths against their speakers.

A crudely large phone bill was met two weeks later. Paying it off only added to their aspiration to reunite. 


End file.
